LALI Conference Day 1 Reflections

Here are some reflections after attending Day 1 of the Leading and Loving It (LALI) conference at my home church:

Have you ever sat in the middle of a crowded room and felt utterly alone? Before attending LALI, I told myself I did not wish to build relationships anymore due to past hurts and trauma.

Online dating was a bust, divorce had already bitten me, friends ghosted me, and I did not want to invite any more hurt into my life. I figured I could go to this conference alone, experience what it had to offer, and leave completely alone.

A few speakers, sponsors, fits of tears and laughter later, and I find myself craving community again. When fellowshipping with the women at LALI, I saw people learning together, praying for one another, and I felt compelled to place a hand on someone's shoulder and to not shy away from a hand on my side as we prayed in unity for Holy Spirit to move and come rest on us.

It is still hard for me to connect with other people, especially other women, because other people always seem to have it all together and I most certainly do not. But you know what? I'm going into Day 2 of the conference with a mission: to seek what I crave = community, fellowship, sincere connection.

As an introvert, that means I have to be intentional and strategic.

I can no longer avoid eye contact and hide behind anonymity in the crowd. If I desire to be part of community and discover strength to build relationships once more, I must stick my neck out and try.

This is probably the scariest thing I've ever done, and I've done public speaking and held someone's hand while he passed away. Somehow seeking community still feels harder.

Why is this the most vulnerable step to take in my 30's? Can't I just foster some pets?

In this area, I am weak and in need of strength and a sign that there are still good people in this world.

I will certainly let you know how Day 2 of LALI goes, and hopefully I don't hold my breath the whole time. I believe God built us for relationship, so darn it, here I go. May you too find your tribe.

Manic and Moody